Lenten Reflections in Real time - Day 7
Today has been most sublime. Not all days have gone as such but this morning I woke at 4:45. But felt awake so I thought - I'll check the time. 4:45 indeed. Think I'll go back to bed. Which I did for all of five minutes. Maybe. Then I was up again. Because in some Bizarre dance of planets aligning I slept well. So, I felt READY and WORDY and gonna go worky outty. And all that.
Working out at 5 am is not particularly my goal because that is my time with the Divine if I make it. Which means I stumble to the coffee pot, make the dark brew as the dog Kevin calls it, and then sit somewhere. By the fire in the winter, on the porch in the Summer and say - Hey God. And if God's in the mood to talk I listen. Or try to at least be thankful for sunrise and birdchirp and still be alive when me and cousin Deb frequently say, Man! and the other will say, I know! all meaning can you believe we made it this far and that we aren't - gone on to the other side. Or that we weren't stupid enough to get into more trouble than we got into.
So jumping into some Zoom Zoom class that teaches high stepping round up is not my 5 am style. It's more librarian. Shhhhh. Let's just approach the dawn tip-toeing quietly shall we. Let us not startle the good earth awake.
Then I was able to write on some of this and some of that, on the novel and some interviews for Confessions. And then drive to the radio station in the studio and Interview the beautiful Kerry Madden Lumsford who is one of my favorite people on the planet and as soon as I got off, I was able to jump on the other shoe and being the interviewed guest for Shellie Rushing Tomlinson who is one of my favorite people on the planet and I think - I am ever so blessed to be in the company of good friends. Even on the radio. We simply conversate for the most part. Except Shellie go the giggles because of something I told her off the air and then I got the giggles and if you listen to the interview you will hear some giggling. Praises be indeed. Laughter is indeed good medicine.
I wanted to go downtown to a meeting but I felt like it was time to come home so Mom got a beer and got a glass of wine and we sat on the porch and talked about God and Guinness and old times. And Willie Nelson and some other stuff and the wind blew, picked up, banged the chimes. And coming home was the right decision for all the right reasons. The other thing will be there. Later sometime. Another day. When she has gone away. That may be forever or a day. And, I know that.
The dog pushed his sticky, matted self against my leg and I petted the part of him that is most pettable. His nose. Yes, I realize many things but Kevin has to be heavily medicated to be bathed and shaved. Medicated as in put out. Shaved and brushed in his sleep. His wolfy rescue wildness has not rubbed off. He loves me dearly but there are parts of his body I cannot touch to clean. And he is really serious about those. He takes it personal.
Glory be and glory days and I wish you had all been up on the porch with us. Felt night fall one thread draped around our shoulders at time. The soft snuggle down of evening.
Wishing you well from this hill. On this amazingly simple and simply impossible day of being kept in the company of friends.
The sky is a solid mass of unwavering grey today. Aptly fitting for Ash Wednesday. There's no relief of rain. No promise of the parting clouds. Like the whole Earth is in mourning, clinging to its pain. A type of ashen twilight that will last eternal.
Rescue Kevin lays in the bed of leaves outside the door napping in the cool. He doesn't mind the sky at all. When I ask if he wants in he stretches, rolls his eyes in apology that he finds his bed more satisfying than my company. Eventually, Summer will arrive and my company in air conditioning will be much more in demand.
That grey sky today.
Somewhere there are lovers holding hands and making promises I hope last beyond the next full moon, the next low tide. The breathing in and out of this planet. That they have loves made out of storybooks.
Yet, somewhere too, there is an old person sitting all alone, looking out the window, hoping someone will ring the doorbell or their phone. A delivery perhaps from a sweetheart who has remembered them from old times past.
Last night I drove to the store and a firetruck rushed past it's siren wailing. The coyotes began their high pitched wails in response. I noticed how far they were up on that ridge beyond the river. I wonder where will they go now that we've come and inch by inch are taking everything. Where will all the wild ones go?
Today collides two events I've spent a lifetime observing. An unlikely paring of Valentines- that day of kisses and chocolate candies, and Ash Wednesday, that day of ashes and repentance.
Grade school was made for Valentines. We made those silly little envelopes and taped them to our desks. Then we went around dropping tiny envelopes in one another's mailboxes always hoping that our secret crush would choose that one large card in the pack that said something special and cryptic like - Valentine I Swoon for You. All the rest of them said, you are sweet, kind, my friend.
Being raised Episcopalian Ash Wednesday held a special significance. We went for ashes to be placed on our forehead in the form of the cross and the priest said, Ashes to ashes, dust to dust in a somber voice and then continued down the line - From the dust you came and to the dust you will return.
That this day falls on Valentines this year is simply Southern gothic perfection. I can consider the wages of love and repentance, sweetness and loss, in one swift hand.
The wind blows unrelenting. The fingerbones of the trees waving against the dismal sky. A lone crow calls out.
Perfect Lenten weather.
Perhaps tonight the sky will clear and lovers will find stars above them as they thread their way through streets to dinner. Or their love may cast its own bright light in all the darkness. Then, so be it. Let them drink and celebrate their lives bound together.
My life found more ashes than I expected but also more love. A kind of general love that meets the world beyond the walls of my cynic heart. This love - it leaps over me. Makes way for itself in spite of my comments and asides. This wild love knows something fierce. Something more akin to forty days than heart-shaped papers. A love born in deserts, surrounded by space and darkness, wilderness and wild.
I've longed for such I do confess. In times long past. A willingness to lay down myself, become another. A partnership of perfection. Eternal kisses, forever bliss.
Now the rain comes, it hits the glass in large drops unrelenting. Look. The sky finds relief after all. At least something moves, something happens.
For years I've seen in other peoples eyes, this one here and that one there - a type of kinship. Knowing another soul ar first meeting. A fast friends type of thing, brushing lives with a stranger in a line or some odd place. A mechanic shop. A bar. A bank. A struck up conversation. Not a romantic kind of love but that of just the sameness of being human. Man, woman, child. An understanding. When there is nothing left but craving understanding. It is a - see me. Hear me. Please before I break.
Forty Days. The Lenten Season. A valentine of words. Love and loss. Renewing and remembrance. It is the Yin and yang. The balancing of moon and sun, dark and light.
Love, sometimes a sacrifice. Eternal and Divine on scale of God as man or just a tiny act. A little bit of time. A coin. A rose.
Whatever love looks like for you today I hope that you find it - a greater love, a deeper love, an older love, a newer love, first love, last love or the soulmate that you seek.
The rain is steady now. It's become a small downpour. The driveway is washing away down the road. Kevin takes me up on a dry towel and a bone. We've come together to celebrate what it means to be alive in this life. Up on this hill. Watching the rain fall while voices of all manner whisper through this night, 'I Love you' and 'ashes to ashes, dust to dust.'
Thanks so much for reading, liking and sharing with friends.